I was in the sixth grade, when my best guy friend asked me to be his girlfriend. I’m embarrassed to tell you this shocked me. I went home and asked for advice from my father and brother. They told me, “Girls and guys can’t be friends.” Although they were right, I still asked them to remind me of this throughout the years.
For example, there was the one time my childhood guy friend came to visit me in Newport Beach from Toronto. Growing up ‘Mark’ and I lived one street away and rode our bikes together. My brother and father, yet again, reminded me that girls and guys can’t be ‘just’ friends. I still didn’t believe them. My friend arrived the next day with gifts for all of us. He brought flowers for my mother, a business card holder for my father and a diamond bracelet for me. Ah yes the 'friend curse’ had struck me again.
Do you think I learned my lesson from 'Mark'? Oh no, not yet!
Here’s another example. When I was eighteen, I made ‘pen pal friends’ with a boy from Kansas City, MO. We wrote ‘friendly’ letters to one another. Before he graduated high school, he invited me to visit him and go to his sister’s wedding. I flew to Kansas City to find, I was actually apart of the wedding and sitting at the head table as his date. Quickly I found a pay phone and called my brother to ask for his advice. He only laughed on the other end of the phone and said, “What have I been telling you for years!”
Do you think I learned my lesson from 'Mark'? Oh no, not yet!
Here’s another example. When I was eighteen, I made ‘pen pal friends’ with a boy from Kansas City, MO. We wrote ‘friendly’ letters to one another. Before he graduated high school, he invited me to visit him and go to his sister’s wedding. I flew to Kansas City to find, I was actually apart of the wedding and sitting at the head table as his date. Quickly I found a pay phone and called my brother to ask for his advice. He only laughed on the other end of the phone and said, “What have I been telling you for years!”
And sadly I must admit that I did this ‘just friends thing’ to my Honey as well. For a year and a half we were the best of ‘friends’. My father had to remind me about this curse and open my eyes. Why did I believe with all my heart that my guy friendships were the same as my girlfriends? Tell me do you think my father and brother were right? Looking forward to your reading your comments.
15 comments:
How coincidental that I read this today! I just sent off a pitch letter to TheFrisky on this exact subject.
To answer your questions, I don't think a friendship will work. But, then again, my mom and her best friend (a man) have been best friends for 40 years and never once ventured into the romance territory. So who knows! :)
Its all so tricky with guys and girls being friends... one may want the other at one point, but i think after a certain age its totally possible.. hey theres always gay male friends if all else fails, haha xxxoo
Yes, I think this is totally true. I have experienced the same thing you have many times! If only I could find a nice gay guy to be my friend...
Melissa Blake: Great minds sweetie! Let me know ho your pitch goes. Good luck for sure.
Dollface: I love your answer about girls and guys being able to be friends after a certain age. I will find out what my bro thinks =)
Themis0307: lol I had a gay boyfriend once, but it didn't turn out well as he was jealous of my other friendships. Ahhh the problems of youth...
I don't really buy into this unless it applies to exes. I usually doubt that exes can be friends, unless they had a pretty casual relationship to begin with.
As for male and female friends, I don't think I subscribe to the When Harry Met Sally school of thought. I have friends that are guys and my boyfriend has friends that are girls. I think it varies by personality type, though, it doesn't work for everyone.
One of my oldest guy friends is just that, a friend. There is absolutely zero physical attraction on either side. We were estranged for a while and reconnected this year, and still, nada. I definitely think of him as a brother more than anything.
That said, I've had plenty of friendships where we were deluding ourselves about the platonic nature of our relationship!
I had some really good guy friends, some turned into guys who wanted more and others we just went different directions. I found the biggest thing is how girlfriends respond to their guy having a close friend who's a girl.
ahhh, the ageless "harry met sally" question...yes, i think they can be friends as long as neither has a romantic interest in each other. but I also never think you can be romantically interested and go back to being friends. well, possibly but only if the romance factor wasn't that based on a lot of chemistry. i have great guy friends that i think of as my brother.
I think they are definitely different than the friendships we have with girlfriends...but it can work. It all depends on the two people involved.
I think what your brother and father were saying is true in general. I have girlfriends whom i would never cross the line with , and there others whom give the chance and opportunity I might. Some guys also confuse love and sex and they are definitely two different things. They aren't always mutually exclisive of course, but they can be.
I had some wonderful male friends when I was younger - but they were all gay. No joke. So, maybe you are correct.
Hmmm.. Have to think hard but 'I' do have guy friends ..especially one of 'em is very close. BUt he remains to be just a friend. Is that a extraordinary thing???.Don't think so.
I have a close male friend. I'll admit that at first I did like him but I gave up on anything happening when my friend announced that she had feelings for him. 3 years later, the thought of him as anything more than a friend makes me laugh. However, most of my relationships began as friendships.
I agree with the comment that guys and girls can be friends once you reach a certain age. I'm in 40s and married and my closest friend is a guy - nothing romantic between us. at a younger age things may have been different.
Post a Comment